Signs of Infidelity


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There are many signs of a cheating husband or wife, and most of them are the same for women and men.  Here are some ways to tell if your spouse is having an affair.  Note that many of these could also be a sign of something else.

Loss of Interest in You

  • They lose interest in sexual intercourse.  You stop having sex, or have sex less often.
  • Their sexual behavior or interest changes, e.g. they want to try new positions or ask new questions.
  • Sex does not feel intimate anymore.  They might actually be feeling guilty about cheating on their lover when they have sex with you.
  • Sex does not last as long.  They may become tired more easily.  Men might ejaculate more quickly, or have trouble getting or keeping an erection.  Women might fake an orgasm to get it over with.  (This could also be a sign of frequent masturbation, which is not unusual.)
  • They act distant.  Your intimacy level goes down.
  • They won't touch, kiss, or hold you as much.
  • They don't say "I love you" as often.
  • They tell you you’re unattractive.
  • They sleep on the couch instead of with you.  It becomes more like they are your roommate instead of your spouse.


Special Interest in Appearance and Personal Grooming

  • They buy new clothes.
  • They wear new clothes, sexy outfits, or their favorite underwear.
  • They use cologne/perfume.
  • They make themselves look beautiful to go somewhere casual.
  • They spend more time looking in the mirror, or doing their hair and make-up.
  • They start trimming their pubic hair.


Suspicious Statements and Reactions

  • They accidentally call you another name.
  • They say something about a person hitting on them, but say they turned them down.
  • They cannot look you in the eyes, or somehow seem to act or behave in a guilty manner.
  • They are quicker to argue or rage.  They have mood and attitude swings.
  • If you ask them whether they are having an affair, they are surprisingly aggressive about the question.


Unexplained Time Away

  • They keep making excuses to go out and they do, they are gone longer than normal.  e.g. A trip to the store for some milk takes an hour.
  • They suddenly have to go somewhere, e.g. the gym, gas station.  That may be a sign they are meeting him or her.
  • They frequently call  to tell you they will be home late, e.g. they are helping out a friend, their truck broke down.
  • They develop new interests that do not involve the family.
  • They disappear at unexplained or unusual times.
  • They are strangely inaccessible or unreachable at times.
  • They tell you they will be home late, or need to spend more time at work.
  • They claim to be doing overtime at work, but their checks get no larger.
  • They take long lunches or dinner meetings.
  • If you ask if you can meet them outside their work, they prefer you do not.  (A lot of affairs start at the office.)


Unusual Telephone Behavior

  • Someone from the opposite sex calls that you never heard of.  Perhaps they say it is a business call.
  • They hang up the phone when you come close.
  • They have a lot of short phone calls.
  • They never let anyone else answer the phone.
  • There are unexplained phone numbers on the cell phone statement or phone bill.
  • They have the phone bill go paperless and only they can access the online statements.
  • There are unusual incoming, missed, or outgoing calls on their phone.  There are numbers or names you don't recognize.
  • They do not answer the phone when you call.
  • They turn off their cell phone when they are out with friends.



  • Money is unaccounted for (this could also be drugs).
  • You find receipts for items you've never seen.
  • There are unexplained charges on credit card bills.


Signs from the Car

  • They are using more gas.
  • The mileage in their car is too high.  Check the mileage for them to and from work.  Is there a lot of unexplained mileage?
  • They want you to wait while they clean out the car before you get in it.
  • There are two empty cups or containers for food for more than one person in their car.
  • The music stations in their car have changed.


Changes in Behavior or Lifestyle

  • Eating new foods.
  • There are unusual changes in their routines or habits.
  • They want to be with their "guy friends" or "girl friends" more often.  For example, a cheating man might say "Oh yeah, the guys and I are going to go watch the football game.  Why don't you go out with your girlfriends or something?"  If you want to go with them, they make excuses.
  • They go a few days without showering at home but seem to have showered.